Friday, March 18, 2011

2011-05: Clawns

Spring is imminent. In fact, here in Virginia, Spring appears to have sprung a little early this year. As my lawn greens-up for the season, it occurs to me that my attitude about my lawn could be much improved with a slight change of view.

Last fall, I paid good money to have my lawn reseeded (front and back) after a very harsh, hot, dry summer. The good news is that my lawn is green again. The bad news is that they seemed to have planted more weeds than grass.

To resolve this issue, I've been googling how to delouse my lawn, there are all kinds of interesting rememdies including various concoctions made with ingrediants such as talcum powder, coke, vinegar, ground up bone, ashes, lemon juice, tea, and coffee among others. But as I was coming in today, I realized that this would be a huge waste of time. In fact, I think I can turn this in to a profitable idea.

After all, who said the best lawn is actually grass? I mean clover appears to grow in any conditions. It is soft, hardy, very green, smells good, and it flowers! How pretty. Oh, it is also self-weeding as it strangles the life out of just about any other lawn-type and it is an excellent, economical choice for new construction and other empy lots. And, best of all, IT DOESN'T REQUIRE MOWING!!!!!! So I'm going to suggest someone (not me, I'm too lazy), but the rights to this idea and  market a new product...CLAWN! Clover lawns. I would be happy to provide my own lawn for marketing purposes. You couldn't ask for a better green idea! (Well, maybe this one....)

I can feel my paradigm shifting already! Woo-hoo.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

2011-04: Green Sleeves

Now I know this is not a particularly innovative idea, but after 4 weeks of continuous illness at my place, I was looking at my laundry pile and getting very overwhelmed. If I could only just throw it all away every day, I thought. Life would be good.

I'm pretty modest and nudity laws being what they are, well, let's just say I'm not a good candidate for the "clothing optional" lifestyle. So I had to think of an alternative and here is it.

Compostable clothing. Made from a base of corn fibers ('cause I want to get myself a cut of the corn money floating around this country and I'm not really into hemp) and rice paper.

They would come out on a roll, like trash bags. Wear once or twice (if it doesn't rain) and toss. They would be desgined to disintegrate after a few rains and can be nutritionally enhanced with extra nitrates (and alfalfa enzymes which I hear is excellent for composting).

They would come in a variety of veggie dyed colors and dried flower patterns. They will be simple in design, but fashionable. (Just fashionable enough to wear without shame.) And, perhaps best of all, adjustable in size to account for the extra weight that some of us tend to pack on around the holidays.

Call today! Don't delay!


Saturday, February 26, 2011

Idea 2011-03: Education for Sale. Cheap.

Thank you Anna for the following brilliant idea.

As I am the proud owner of an undergrad degree, a master's degree, and am currently in the midst of master's number 2, I determined that by the time I'm finished I will have earned 219 credit hours which calculates out to a ridiculous 73 classes.

Because I clearly have a surplus, Anna suggested that I sell the excess ones using an online exchange. For a small fee, people can exchange the credits they don't need for credits they do need. In her words, "I could exchange my lit credits for something useful, like physics!"


Friday, February 25, 2011

Idea 2011-02: Beers-on-Wheels

M.A.D.D. will love this idea! Beer delivery. Think of the market for this. Those "in need" (and of age) can order their supply of alcohol and other sundries over the internet or the phone. At which point, properly sober (and of age) drivers can pick up the orders and deliver it to the customer.

Not only will it reduce drunk driving, but also it will put alcohol efficiently into the hand of those in need providing a very important social service. What could be better!


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Idea 2011-01: Pan-Free Cooking

Thought I would grease the wheels of my idea factory with a simple one. Pan-free cooking.

As I was cooking sausages this morning, I was a little over zealous with the pan shake required to move the sausages around to stop them from burning. One of the sausages leapt out of the pan and on to the burner.

Because I had cleaned the oven top the night before, I was able to save the sausage AND came up with a brilliant idea at the same time.

I have a glass-topped stove top that is perfect for pan-free cooking. Just heat it up and slap the food right onto the hot surface. Remember to use non-stick cooking spray and it would be best to invest in a nice sharp scraper (found in the spackling section of your locale Lowe's or Home Depot). You will have a home-cooked meal in half-the time. You might even get to spice it up with a Cajun styled outer crust.


Ideas for Sale. Cheap.

Well, I'm experimenting with a new idea. I have a friend who spends a lot of time and energy making me feel like a savant whose primary talent is thinking. Apparently, I have lots of "brilliant" ideas. Unfortunately, I don't have the motivation, skills, or attention span to actually implement them. In response to this problem, I decided that I will create an ideas store.

Here and now. People can shop the store and, if they see something that they cannot resist, they can buy the idea. Cheap. (Unless it is especially brilliant. In which case, they might have to pay a premium, but I haven't worked out all the details yet.)

Because I'm daring to trust you, be forewarned. If I find you using my ideas without prior authorization (and a valid credit card number), I will hunt you down, find your diary, and read it to your mother IN FRONT OF YOU. Every word.